Coffee Log, Year 2, Day 85

Hi.

Coffee: Pike Place, the apartment lounge machine

I’ve been trying to take my mornings back. The past two weeks I’ve set the alarm clock a little early, and it’s been hard, I’ve been tired, but today I woke up at 6:40 without asking my little blinking clock to guide me and that felt very good.

A part of my early mornings has been starting the day with walks. Nothing far, usually to the office to get coffee. It’s bad coffee, and I miss twisting up the beans with my hand-held grinder, but for now it’s a good excuse to move. Today, E came with me. We went to the lounge via the back way, through the gym (that always smells like yoga mats). There was no-one in the office this early. That was good – it meant this time was ours.

On the way back, mugs full, we stopped off at the community garden where E keeps a plot. She’s growing watermelons, though you wouldn’t know it by the tiny sprigs poking out of the ground. Next to her plot was an overgrown rose bush but the roses had withered and next to that were bright yellow squash flowers. Hornets buzzed between the plots like Monday traffic. A bright green lizard skated in and out of view.

At home, I took my coffee to the porch and wrote a little. I watched our flock of geese chasing each other through the grass. I read a message from a friend who was struggling with her sexuality. I cut an onion on sliced bread and ate it with sharp cheddar. All of this had me in the morning. There was a long, busy day that followed, but that’s another story. The early morning was enough.

Currently Reading: NOTHING! Couldn’t get back into Bourdain, no matter how much I tried; will pick a new book soon

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I love watermelon!
Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!

Greg Pizzoli, The Watermelon Seed

Coffee Log, Day 165

Hi.

Coffee: Fair Trade Five County Espresso Blend, Trader Joe’s Brand

I woke up at 4:45 am. The light outside my window had gotten brighter, or at least it seemed so. I tried to go back to sleep but the day had me already. I lay in bed for an hour. I got up and brewed coffee like I always do. It was still dark. It was still-dark. I saw the lights my roommates had left on, the empty cups on the dining table. I watched dawn fighting with itself over the pine trees. Eventually, the coffee got hot enough for me to pour some. I was still in my underwear, damn close to naked, vulnerable.

When I put the white shirt on I thought there was lint inside. I reached in, grabbed it, and took it out. But the lint was softer than it should be, a little cool, and bits came off like dried sweat. My blood shot. I threw something on the carpet and took the shirt off. My hands were shaking, lips a desert, I padded in white sock circles until I calmed down. Finally, I turned the overheads on. I crept toward the closet on hands and knees. There was lint there, fuzz there, everything bushy and brown, and then I saw the spider.

Your body is a mottled thing like that cats that come visit me some mornings. Your head is tucked, legs balled, abdomen split where I bit you with my sharp fingers. You were dead, of course, but some of you was still moving, bio-electric magic, shocks god gave to salt-mud a billion years ago. I took some white tissue and lifted you like a flower petal. You could have been a dancer. You could have weaved webs through my dark-bare closet. You are the first thing I’ve killed knowingly since I stopped eating animals. I didn’t mean to kill you, but your yellow-sweat blood has my blame.

Sorry spider. I guess there wasn’t room for the both of us.

Currently Reading: LaRose, Louise Erdrich; I’m liking this more. I’ve been reading slow, a few pages here and there. It’s definitely contemporary literature, but the characters are grabbing me. Two sisters giving vocab lessons in a perfume parlor. A balding dumpster thief.

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“In general, a common house spider is harmless to humans. However, the mere sight of a spider is enough to startle most people and cause unease. Their messy webs also create the need for extra cleaning.” – Ad on the Orkin Website for Spider Removal

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